These days, I am an old student. Well, I am not old, but I’m sure not young for a student! Being a “non-traditional” student is weird, and I’m not sure why. I am on the same track as someone half my age. I take the same classes with them. Everything is the same except I did not get to do this right out of high school. Currently I am on summer break from classes. This is my favorite time of year. I am not currently juggling classes alongside my full-time management job, husband, house, two kids at home, one very young adult now returned home, medical and dental needs everyone has, extracurriculars everyone has, etc. It is less stressful in many ways. In others, it is odd because it feels maybe busier in that we aren’t on our regular schedule. Things get postponed and forgotten and it just all goes by too quickly.
This weekend, my husband, two younger children and I drove to Galveston, TX to get some beach time in. It is about a 7-8 hour drive for us. We left Friday night and arrived back home about 3:00PM Sunday. It was a whirlwind trip, but the ocean really rejuvenates me. We took snacks and drinks. We ate inexpensively. We stayed in cheap hotel rooms. I just needed to get to the water. We didn’t have time to really make it a vacation. We spent about six hours at the beach. That’s a LOT of money and a LOT of driving for six hours on the sand, but there is simply nothing like it for me. I do hope the day comes where I’m walking distance from the shore. I know it has a lot of downfalls, but it’s truly a mental health drug for me.
Husband’s clinicals continue tomorrow. Early mornings and busy weeks. Then my oldest at home starts back band practice 8-5, Monday through Friday. It’s all a whirlwind and my hope is that we find time to do some living in the midst of the schedules. I don’t think we’re going to look back and appreciate how we’ve allocated our time over these last few years. We are hoping we are investing in a better life for the future.
Things could be better with my son. Man, it is SO hard to deal with this adult version of this very immature child. He has permission from the world to do his own thing, but he is so not ready. He has absolutely nothing figured out. But he sure wants to project the image of someone who does. It just ends up in chaos. He is so very self-centric. He cannot think beyond his self. I hope he grows out of a lot of it. He has failed out of college. He’s trying to get in the Air Force. His test scores are great. He is very fit. But we shall see how it all works out over the coming weeks. I was pretty freaked out about it initially, but I’m ready for him to be moving on and us be on a “come for a visit” status again. I know that must seem so very awful to you, but it’s a hard situation. He blames me for his failing out of college. He blames me for literally everything bad in his life. He cannot see that I sacrificed myself to the bone over and over and over for him. I’m not saying I’m sitting here waiting for my name to be called for the Mother of the Year Award, but I always put his wellbeing before my own. One day I hope he can see that, and I hope it’s not at the end of his own very painful set of circumstances.
Also, I’m totally still clueless about what I want to be when I grow up. I think I want to run my own thing as an entrepreneur, but I don’t know in what industry. I want to help people. I want to make a good living doing it. I don’t mind working hard and long hours. I like to be on the creation side of things. I’ve done dozens of interest inventory type tests, looked at job and industry stats, researched careers and areas of expertise. I know a lot of things I don’t want to do. I don’t want to manage people (I realize I will have to manage someone, but I want to manage the person managing the people who manage the people.) I don’t want to work in an industry that I constantly have to defend (holistic health, adult or other questionable industries, ethically gray areas, etc.) I don’t want to lie, cheat, or steal to compete. I don’t want to deal with the red tape of the medical industry, even though that is what I know. I like math and business and researching things. I’m curious by nature. My passion is disadvantaged kids, and I want to start a non-profit to help them, but I want to be able to generate capital for quality of life and retirement before I delve off into this area. I know I’m going to come across the right thing, and I have time, but it’s closing in. I’m set to meet up with the owners soon to discuss plans for my exit in a year. I will be finishing up the last couple of years of my degree at that point, and then moving on. I’d love, love, love ideas on this.